A Quick Self Check-In To Help You Not Check-Out
I can’t even remember how long we have been like… THIS. (I’m just vaguely gesturing around myself right now.) 5 weeks? 3 months? 2 years? Time has no meaning right now.
Maybe you feel the same. This pandemic and deaths, the election, the societal unrest, the mounting evictions, the layoffs and furloughs, the overwhelming debt, the closing businesses, the overt and blatant racism - I feel like I’m overloaded constantly and don’t know what’s coming next, but deep down, I feel like there will be something coming next, and given this year’s track record and my own CPTSD/Depression/Anxiety, I predict it will be the appetizing equivalent of a steaming bowl of poop.
No matter how positive of a person you are, this 2020 situation is something most of us have never seen before in our lives. It’s not that there’s a pandemic - the American people could handle that. Or that there is an economic crisis - those are sadly frequent in our short history, and somehow we always seem to come out sort of okayish. Each of those things I listed are things we’ve had to face before, and we have made it through as a nation and a people.
But in our lives, most of us have never had to deal with all of this at the same time, ever-mounting, and with so much of our world in turbulence. So, even though it’s likely that you’ve somewhat adjusted to and rebuilt your routine as best you could in our “NOW NORMAL” (It’s not a new normal, and I’m not keeping it - this is just for now), it’s important that you do a quick mental health check in every once and a while. Not because you’re weak, but because being honest with yourself helps you stay strong. Trauma is like being attacked by a mugger - You didn’t ask for it, you didn’t do anything to deserve it, you were just walking down the street and BAM. No one would expect that you’d carry on perfectly all right after a mugging - that would be heartless. So, why do we expect it of ourselves when what hits us is complex and long-lasting trauma?
No one can be harder on you than yourself, and frequently we are our own biggest bully because of the appearance we feel we have to maintain. I want to share some signs that you’re experiencing some mental or emotional distress right now so that you can stop being your own bully and instead shift to being your own best advocate.
You’re easily irritated - We deal with a lot of irritating people, so please don’t confuse this feeling with that circumstance. When I say that you’re easily irritated, I mean that you’re irritated at stuff that, in a normal world, you’d just kind of shrug off. Sometimes it’s tiny things, and then you can’t figure out why you’re so mad, but you just know you are. Last week, I talked to a client who had to apologize to her staff because she flipped out about someone stealing her pens. This person is perfectly sane and rational, but for whatever reason, the absence of whatever pen she was looking for just broke the emotional dam for her. This happens a lot - so if you’ve done it, cut yourself some slack and also have an honest conversation with your staff where you apologize for and explain your actions and invite them to emotionally check-in, too.
You’re crying, and you don’t know why - This is more often observed in women than in men, but it happens to men as well and is common. Sometimes, we all need a good cry. It helps the body process emotion and acts as a physical type of catharsis for humans. There is zero shame in crying. If you have one of those bouts, stop and ask yourself what you think made it start once you've calmed down. If you can discern the trigger, you can defuse the bomb of emotions far more easily than just blindly clipping random wires and hoping for the best.
You’re asking yourself frequently if this is all real, or if you are real - This is a form of disassociation, and it is a normal response in trauma processing. Several theories exist, but one of the more popular ones is that we disassociate to create buffer space between ourselves and our trauma. Because it can be (but is not always) a dangerous symptom of something much bigger, I encourage you if you find that you are experiencing disassociation frequently, please reach out and find some help from a licensed and trusted mental health professional. There is never shame in asking for help. Remember, your mental health is serious business, but it’s none of anyone else’s, so anyone who gives you crap for asking for help is not someone you want in your circle of trusted peers.
You feel joyless and/or unmotivated - Right now, I think everyone does to some extent, but if this sensation is more than what you’d expect or you feel like you’re just not yourself, you should check-in with your medical provider. A consistent lack of motivation to do the things you normally enjoy doing is a good indicator that you’re not at 100%, so don’t dismiss it out of hand, especially if it persists. Even if the world seems like it has gone to crap around you, it is still perfectly normal to have moments of joy in your own localized view. One of the things that I hear from friends is that they “miss being happy,” and how painful that can be. You’re not alone if you feel this way, so please ask for help if you need it. You deserve to feel happy, and you deserve to experience moments of joy - we all do.
The very concept of sleep feels like a cruel joke - Either you can’t fall asleep, or you’re up and down all night, or you’re having nightmares/night terrors, etc., all of it culminating in your body not getting the sleep it needs. When your body doesn’t have sleep, several organs can be affected, but your brain takes a huge hit. Lack of sleep makes it difficult to think logically, parse emotion, remember anything for more than 28 seconds, and can make you less physically coordinated, thus leading to additional compounding injury. In short, sleep is REALLY IMPORTANT. If you’re having sleep issues for more than a few days, check with your doctor. It’s best NOT to try to self-medicate/self-induce sleep with THC or alcohol or other illicit substances - your doctor will be able to steer you in the right direction, and this is a conversation that can likely be held in less than 20 minutes via a telemedicine call. Please don’t suffer when you don’t have to.
It doesn’t matter what you eat, NOTHING tastes good or sits well - I’m not talking about how we have been eating the same 10 basic meals since March and would literally trade a kidney to go out to eat safely at the freaking Olive Garden. (That is just pandemic related and I hope it goes away very soon because if I have to eat any more Taco Bell drive-thru, I might just lose my damn mind.) No, this symptom is more like having a small stomachache all the time, or you constantly feel stomach-centered anxiety (i.e., butterflies). When your brain is processing/surviving trauma, it’s using extra energy, which has to come from other areas. It’s theorized that this is why food may not taste good, why you can’t remember things, why you might sit and stare into space for half an hour without realizing. Again, these are NORMAL reactions to trauma processing, so when they happen, realize that’s what you are doing, and give yourself a few minutes. I have been carrying antacids with me for the last 8 years wherever I go because even though I am aware that anxiety is what’s causing my indigestion, I still can’t control it. (Unless I had buffalo wings - then I damn well know what’s causing my crazy heartburn and shall proceed with life as normal because I’m not ever giving up my love for buffalo wings. That’s why the good people at Alka-Seltzer made gummies.)
Take a minute today and check-in with yourself and your team members. All of us are trying our best out there, and even the smallest shoulder of support to lean on can make a huge difference to the people around you. Remember to take care of yourself, and take care of each other - we can all get through this… and hopefully, it will end sooner rather than later.
Please remember that I am not a doctor, and this isn’t medical advice. These ideas are simply from my own years of experience in processing trauma, years of experience in therapy/mental health treatments as a patient, as well as research I have done. (For what it’s worth, I consider research more than just googling something and taking the first result, but I repeat, I am NOT A DOCTOR.)
